Fit Geek

That I love banging in front of a camera! Just kidding. I actually work behind the scenes as an editor/copywriter. Ever go to a sex store and read the copy that’s on those XXX DVDs? Yeah, I write that stuff. I also write the copy that goes in magazines and websites, and I get to pick the girls who go in the magazines. Basically I know a lot of adjectives for the word vagina. It’s…interesting. But what’s more interesting to me is the psychology behind sexual attraction.

I’ll just get right down to it: There is something for everyone. What one guy considers gross, another guy will get a raging boner over. The same is probably true for women, but frankly our audience is almost entirely male.

So, I’m in charge of two completely opposite niches: barely legal stuff and BBWs. Those interested in the former exalt flat chests and slender frames, while fans of the latter are all about huge-boobed brick houses.

I’ve shown people my magazines and I get a lot of “eewws.” Mostly from women. I am so de-sensitized to this stuff that I don’t see what the big deal is–not that I was ever easily shocked or disgusted.

Now, you might be wondering what this has to do with fitness. Not that much. Well, technically nothing at all, heh. But beauty is something that penetrates just about all aspects of our lives whether we like it or not. I do like to discuss the human body as it relates to function, fitness, aesthetics, and self-esteem, so by some stretch of the imagination this topic is applicable. Bottom line, this is my blog and I can write whatever I want!

But anyway, having seen photos and videos of hundreds, maybe thousands, of naked women has changed the way I think about beauty. I can see what’s attractive in just about every woman. What some might consider physical flaws–being too flat-chested, having a gut, cellulite, uneven or droopy boobs–I don’t see as flaws at all. In fact, the way I analyze the female body has almost become clinical. There has to be something really freakin’ out there about her for me to think twice about it.

Let me clarify that I have seen some WEIRD body parts. And you know what? The more unique the body part, the more fans the girls tend to have.

Some people accuse porn of giving guys unrealistic expectations of a woman’s appearance and bedroom behavior. I can see where they’re coming from if they’re talking about guys who strictly watch “mainstream” porn that’s produced out in LA. But the fact is that there’s a TON of porn out there, the majority of which does not feature beautiful, overly-vocal fembots. Actually I think most guys prefer amateur stuff with a girl next door type–someone who doesn’t look like a pornstar at all. If anything, porn has given me a big dose of REALITY. Namely that no one really cares about the tiny imperfections you obsess about. Guys don’t give a shit, and most of them don’t care about perfection. There’s nothing wrong with you. Whatever you think is wrong about you, someone will love you for. Nothing reinforces the notion that beauty comes in all kinds of different shapes, sizes, and colors than porn. At least in my mind.

How many times have you thought, “Guys/girls would like me so much more if I were just a little thinner/bustier/more muscular?” It’s BS. Not to say that there aren’t people out there who prefer smaller sizes, but there a ton who DON’T care that your figure isn’t perfectly svelte. I can tell you that Samantha 38G has no shortage of admirers, and on the opposite end, neither does Amai Liu.

So back to the original question–what have I learned from working in porn? First of all, it’s been a surprising and unexpected champion of my own self-esteem. Seeing tons of different kinds of bodies and reading the reactions from fans has made me realize that you should just rock whatever it is you have. Second, beauty really is relative. So don’t be so fucking hard on yourself. And third, there are a LOT of weirdos out there. But that’s a post for a different time and place.

“I don’t like going to the gym.”

I hear that ALL the time. Fortunately, you don’t need a gym to workout. The following routine is a good starting point for beginners interested in strength training. It’s easy and straight forward. There are only five exercises (so lazy people have no excuse!) but together they still hit all your major muscle groups. I do a variation of this workout when I’m going a little lighter with my resistance training.

Also, there’s minimal equipment. All you need is a chair and a dumbbells (and a little motivation.) If you’d like to make it more challenging, do 20 seconds of mountain climbers between reps.

1. One-legged squats.
Since this workout is intended for beginners, you’ll need a chair or some kind of bench for this one. I’d suggest picking something that leaves your thighs parallel to the floor when you sit down.

Stand about two to three feet in front of the chair/bench. Lift your left leg in the air. Sit back until your butt touches the edge of the chair, then stand back up while still keeping your left leg in the air. Try to avoid completely sitting. Instead, just let your butt lightly touch the chair. Complete 10-15 reps and switch legs. When you’ve done both legs, that counts as one set. Aim for 3 sets. To make this exercise more challenging, sit back onto something lower or add weight.

2. Push-ups.

Get into the plank position with your hands shoulder width apart. Try to keep your body as straight as possible from your shoulders to your hips. Lower yourself by bending you elbows until you are about an inch above the floor. Pay attention to your form with this one. Don’t let your lower back sag! If you can’t do a regular push-up, get on your knees for an easier variation. For more of a challenge, elevate your feet onto something. Aim for 3 sets of 10-15.

3. Lunge and press

Pick up some dumbbells and stand with feet shoulder width apart. Take a big step forward with your right foot and lower your body until your front leg forms a 90 degree angle with the floor and your back knee is almost touching the floor. As you step, simultaneously press the dumbbells up over your head. Remember to keep your knee aligned with your ankle. If your knee is passing your toes, you need to take a wider step.

4. Bent over dumbbell row

Stand with feet shoulder width apart while holding a dumbbell in one hand. Bend forward at your hips, keeping your back straight and your legs slightly bent. I cannot emphasize how important it is to keep your back straight! Put your free hand on your lower back. Let the hand holding the dumbbell hang down below you, then lift it up to your armpit. Do 12-15 reps, then switch arms and repeat. That’s one set. Do this exercise for 3 sets.

5. Planks
Not pictured. Go here for instructions.
Do these 3 times and hold for 30 seconds, or a minute if you can.

OPTIONAL:
Do three sets of 10-15 reps of curls and tricep kickbacks.

So there you have it! A quick, easy, yet effective home workout for beginners. If you tried it out, let me know what you think. Soon I will be posting an advanced at-home workout, so keep your eyes peeled!

I see a lot of gender segregation in the gym. And one of the most marked separations involves the dumbbells.

On one small stand, there are several sets of dumbbells weighing 5 to 15 lbs. I feel like there’s some kind of invisible sign that says “Women Only” hanging above them. Along the rest of the wall is a much larger rack of dumbbells that range between 20 to 100 lbs. And yep, there must be some invisible “Men Only” sign hanging above those.

And to think I was once afraid of this little thing.

Well, slap a banana between my legs and call me a man ‘cause I sure as hell don’t pay any mind to these invisible signs. Today I did a one-arm bent-over row with a 50 lb dumbbell. It was cool.

It all started with the 25 lb dumbbells. When I had decided that I wanted to get seriously stronger, the first step was progressing from a shoulder press with 20 lb dumbbells to 25 lbs. And I think this is relevant to a lot of women, because they seem to stick with 20 pounders and below.

I was scared to do it. I thought I was going to look like a dumbass trying to lift these weights over my head and failing miserably. But I did it anyway, and I succeeded. I did 5 sets of 5 without too much difficulty. Now shoulder presses with 25 lb dumbbells are a breeze.

I don’t want to put down girls who lift light weights because I think it’s awesome that they’re even lifting at all. But lifting with the 12 lb dumbbells just wasn’t working for me. So let’s say you are a woman (I’d say men too but I think they are more eager to go heavy) who lifts weights, but sticks to the “women only” dumbbell section. Why not try going heavier? I’ve already discussed how women don’t get bulky from lifting. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

Fear my huge, bulking muscles.

I mean, progress. That’s what life is all about, right? I think it’s important to want to move forward. Whether it’s with your education, career, romantic life, mental well-being, or (as it was in my case) strength.

If you’re still not convinced then how about this: lifting weights that are challenging to you increases your metabolism way more than doing cardio for up to 24 hours after training. Going heavier is a great way to break through plateaus as well. If there haven’t been any changes in your physique…well, first of all clean up your diet. Then try going heavier. It’ll make you look toned, not “bulky.” If you’re already lifting, just TRY going heavier. You will like it and you will feel like a badass.

So now, the how.

Start off small. This is going to be easier if you’re on a machine. Just move the weight pin down to the next heaviest plate. Don’t expect to be doing the same amount of reps you were doing at a lighter weight. If you can do the same amount of reps, consider going even heavier. Aim for 3 to 4 sets of 8 reps. And the end of those 8 reps should be HARD. Don’t feel cheated if you’re used to doing 12-15 reps. This is a situation where quality beats quantity.

If you’re feeling enthusiastic, you can try aiming for 5 sets of 5. If you’re not used to lifting heavy, this is going to shock your body, but in a good way. You are doing less reps, but at a heavier weight. This rep range is better for building strength than it is for muscle, although you will get some muscle gains from it. Just not as much as you would by going SLIGHTLY lighter (i.e. 4 sets of 8 reps). And like I said, by the time you get to that 5th rep you should feel almost (but not completely) maxed out.

One thing though: your form should always be your first priority. If your form is suffering because the weights are too heavy for you, then lighten it up. You never want to compromise your form. Keep those backs straight!

If you do any barbell work, increasing your weight is easy. Just start off by adding the 2.5 lb plates and work your way up as you get stronger. And as far as the dumbbells go…those 25 pounders are waiting for you

This stuff is pretty much all common sense. The bottom line is that you should just DO IT! And remember, heavier weights with less reps is GOOD! Now go strap on your fake ding-a-ling and pick up heavy stuff.

I am tragically American.

Not that there’s anything wrong with being American. But let’s face it. Some of our habits suck. Like the way we view and treat food. Completely oblivious or hyper-analytical. Quantity instead of quality. Distraction versus pleasure.

Generally speaking, I think we’re lacking in food culture. Americans are always in a rush and on the go, and the way we eat is a reflection of that. Our food is fast and easy. And because we’re so hurried and overloaded with stimulation, we don’t truly savor our meals. You can argue that you really, REALLY liked those 5 slices of pepperoni pizza that you ate. Or that Big Mac. I’m sure it gave you an oral orgasm. But that’s probably because it’s what you’re used to eating; your taste buds have adjusted to greasy, processed food. And how long did it take you to eat it? Or rather, how fast did you eat it? And how did you feel afterward? Honestly, I don’t consider the cheap thrill you get from inhaling extremely processed food to be the same as finding real pleasure in a healthy meal.

Other countries place a lot of importance on food, and they don’t have the same health problems we do. Take France and Italy. Part of their food culture is to serve lots of courses. They pay meticulous attention to detail when they cook. Fresh produce and herbs are the crux of their recipes. And they enjoy long meals with loved ones. They embrace food. We fry it or douse it in sugar. When they eat, the food is their focus. In America, food has become another distraction, something to do when you have nothing else to do.

Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m hard-pressed to think of any American eating traditions. We used to sit down with our families for dinner. But that seems to be dissipating with every decade (I never had dinner with my family growing up.) Fast, easy food is the American way. And if a TV is involved, even better.

Even though I’m pretty health conscious, I’m still guilty of rushing through my meals. I eat fast, and I tend to eat the same things every day because it’s easy. I noticed that when I eat I’m hardly paying attention to the food. My mind is somewhere else. Sure, the taste and how agreeable it is registers with me on a primitive level. But the way I rush through eating can leave me feeling pretty unsatisfied sometimes.

And then there’s the paranoia. The Puritanical guilt our country was founded on has somehow trickled its way down the centuries and into the beliefs I hold about food: It is merely sustenance. Not a pleasure. Like it too much and you’ll fall into a downward spiral of uncontrollable eating and obesity. In short, CALORIES BAD!

It’s strange how I’m indifferent to what I eat and hyper-aware of it at the same time.

This indifference to food has a rather ironic effect on me. If I were so indifferent to food, wouldn’t I eat less of it since it’s not important? Not so. I will eat just about anything, and I can eat large amounts. And that’s probably because I’m not enjoying it to it’s fullest. I’m just stuffing myself with fodder. And I think I’m not the only one.

The solution? Well, it’s going to take some work. Even as I was sitting here writing this, I got up to eat a snack: plain Greek yogurt with a little bit of brown sugar and Ezekiel bread. That shit was not satisfying at all. I’m wondering why the hell I even bothered finishing it. Obviously I’m going to need to get serious about taking my own advice.

I totally polished a big bowl of blah with my tongue.

So my plan is to become more of an intuitive eater.

Step 1: If I don’t like it, I don’t eat it. The reason I just finished my bowl of  ‘meh’ was because I felt bad wasting food. Next time I’ll just put it away to mix with something else later.

Step 2: Putting the fork DOWN between bites. As simple as it sounds, this is going to be a challenge for me. I get so frenzied when I eat that forcing myself to go through my meal slowly gives me anxiety. Obviously I am a psycho.

Step 2.5: Chewing. A lot. Concentrating on the texture and flavor of the food.

Step 3: Reading this book:

Yeah, I know. L-O-L.

I don’t need to lose any weight, but the reason I want to read this is to see if I can calm my anxiety (which I think is the reason I rush eat) about food through meditation. Cheesy, but I think there’s some truth behind the idea that eating can be like a form of meditation, where you’re intensely focused on what’s going on inside your piehole. I think it’s similar to wine tasting. Actually, I took a wine tasting seminar a few months back and it made an impression on me. I was like, damn, I need to do this with food. Let each molecule dance over my taste buds and bring my senses out of their coma. Man, who ever thought that pleasure would be something you have to learn?

So anyway, here’s to being more in touch with what you eat. I’ll let you know how my journey goes. But in the meantime, does anyone else out there feel where I’m coming from? I’m interested in hearing opinions about YOUR relationship with food!

So, I’m not a vegetarian. But every now and then I start thinking about all those cows and their sad, glossy eyes and I feel like a real asshole for eating them. (Honestly I barely eat red meat, but still.)

So this weekend I tried my hand at something new: home-made black bean burgers. Yeah, I know. Not the most original thing in the world, but whatever. It was a first for me. I did it for the cows. And ‘cause I wanted to try something new.

They were really good, although they definitely didn’t taste like meat. I’ve come to realize that nothing tastes like meat except for meat. And that’s okay. I still found this burger substitute to be tasty in its own right. The only thing I would’ve changed is maybe adding egg to the mix, but I don’t think the “burgers” suffered much because of that omission.

This recipe is also pretty flexible. You can add a variety of different spices to flavor it to your liking.

BLACK BEAN BURGERS

INGREDIENTS

1 ½ cup cooked black beans
¼ cup uncooked steel cut oats
¼ cup Greek yogurt
¼ cup chopped almonds
¼ cup whole wheat Panko breadcrumbs
½ cup chopped onions
2 tbsp chopped garlic
2 tsp oil, divided
1 tsp Mrs. Dash Southwest Chipotle seasoning
Salt and pepper to taste

Most of the ingredients.

DIRECTIONS

-Put 1 tsp oil, onions and garlic in a medium saucepot or large pan and cook on medium-high until onions are golden brown, approximately 5 minutes.

-Add 1/3 cup of water and bring to a boil. Add steel cut oats, cover and remove from heat. The oats should sit for about 15 to 20 minutes.

Steel cut oats and onions - an unlikely pair?

-In the meantime, put beans, almonds, salt, pepper, and seasoning into a food processor and pulse until mushy. The Chopster couldn’t handle the load I gave it, so I added the bean mix in little by little. I started to get frustrated with how slow it was going, so by the end I was just mashing everything together with my hands, and that worked fine.

I think this would also be pretty good as dip!

-Drain extra water from steel cut oats. In a large bowl, combine yogurt, Panko crumbs, and oat-onion mix. Then add the bean mixture in and work the ingredients together. I did it with my hands. Make four equal-sized patties from the mixture, flattening them until they’re about half an inch thick. Place them on top of a plate line with parchment paper and refrigerate for 15-20 minutes.

They're meatless and they look like cow pies! How appetizing.

-Heat a skillet and add the remaining tsp of oil. Once it’s good and hot, sear each side of the patties for 3-5 minutes. Serve with buns, or however you like!

The final product.

Eat my non-meats!

And for those who care, the nutritional break down for 1 patty out of a batch of 4:

Cals: 221

Fat: 7.5g

Carbs: 22g

Prot: 9g

I’m busy. You’re busy. We’re all busy!

But I’m like, really freakin’ busy. Not that I’m trying to one-up you on busyness or anything, I’m just saying. And when you’re really busy, eating healthy is an effort. It requires planning. Fortunately that’s one of my strong suits. So every Sunday/Monday I bulk cook some of my food for the rest of the week.

I think it’s one of the best things you can do when you’re tight on time. It may not be as exciting or spontaneous as cooking a different dinner every night, but it gets the job done. And with enough creativity you can mix and match with other things that don’t really need to be cooked. In my case, I also buy different lettuces, frozen artichoke hearts, broccoli, cauliflower, yogurt, cottage cheese, fruit, low-sodium canned beans (don’t judge me) and tomatoes to add to my meals. And like a good, little Type-A girl, I always put together my lunches (I eat 3 times at work) the night before.

Agave, apples, broccoli, eggplant, tilapia, black beans, plum wine, feta cheese, mango salsa, frozen mango, egg white beaters, almond milk, organic brown sugar, eggs, kale, raisins, whole wheat pita bread, red pepper, baking soda, frozen artichoke hearts, greek yogurt, onions, cheddar cheese, hummus, and tomatoes. Phew!

And the rest: coffee (yes, instant. don't hate), gluten-free crackers, frozen blueberries, assorted baby food (I use these for cooking), cloves, romaine lettuce, and cilantro and parsley in the bag.

I usually go grocery shopping on Saturday. This is all the crap I bought this week. I don’t normally buy this much stuff, but I guess I was having a moment. By the way, I randomly picked up Mary’s Gone Crackers Gluten-Free Crackers and uh…I inhaled the whole thing in a day. Feel free to slap my wrist. Not pictured: Breyer’s Blasts Whoppers Malted Vanilla. Ugh, as I said…having a moment. I never buy junk food, but I love Whoppers. I couldn’t resist.

Here’s what I made for this week:

Chicken breast tenderloins - seasoned with cumin, paprika, salt, and pepper.

Tilapia. Yeah, I kind of went overboard with the seasoning. I like seasoning, okay!

Coconut curry eggplant - I’ve made coconut curry stuff before, but this eggplant concoction (which also has broccoli, onions, red pepper, and tomatoes) was a first. I am pleased with the way it turned out. And on a side note, my aura must be yellow from all the turmeric I ingest.

Black Bean Burgers. Another first. I made four of them, but they were all devoured within a day. Recipe to come!

Lemon fruit protein WTF loaf. So I made this once and it was awesome. Only I had used Splenda to sweeten it. Then I made it again without any Splenda and I fucked up real bad. I put WAY TOO MUCH lemon. It was a bitter disaster. Fortunately I have learned from my mistake and these are all-natural goodness. I’ll post the recipe soon.

So am I the only one out there who’s neurotic enough to bulk cook their food and plan their lunches out in advance? Am I making myself sound crazy by admitting this stuff? Oh well

Hey guys! I put together a workout for anyone who’s interested in trying it. It’s pretty TUFF.
It’s a full-body cardio circuit, and you don’t need much equipment. I tried to be as comprehensive as possible in describing it, so hopefully everything makes sense. Let me know what you think!

INSTRUCTIONS

There are six exercises that you are going to do back to back without stopping. Once you complete the six exercises, you are going to repeat the whole thing once more. Time yourself to see how you do. The only equipment you need is a chair/bench, mat and light dumbbells. I’d recommend going through the exercises before you actually try the routine so you can get a feel for the form. This is especially true with the Bulgarian split squats.

1. Jumping Inch Worm
Take two big jumps forward.

Then squat down and place your hands on the floor. Jump your feet back so you’re in plank position. Inch your hands back to your feet. Once your hands are at your feet, jump your feet back into plank position. Inch hands back to feet. This is one rep. Repeat 15 times. Beginners can repeat 5-10 times.

2. Pulsing Side Plank
Get into a side plank. Make sure not to let your hips drop. Pulse your leg back and forth 15 times. Switch to the other side and repeat. Beginners can do 5-10 pulses on each side.

3. Plyometric Push-ups
Get into push-up position. Lower yourself to the floor while keeping your back as straight as possible. Don’t let your hips drop. When you get to the bottom, explode up so that your hands leave the floor. Repeat 10 times.

If this exercise is too difficult, you can do regular push-ups, knee push-ups, or plyometric knee push-ups.

4. Bulgarian Split Squat with Curls
This one is a little tricky. Grab your dumbbells and put one leg back on a STABLE chair or bench. The higher up you put your foot, the more difficult this exercise is going to be. You’ll want to make sure that you’re in a wide stance so that when you bend your knee it doesn’t go past your toes. As you go down, do a curl. Repeat 15 times for each leg. Beginners do 5-10 reps for each leg.

TIP: Before you start exercising, stand in front of your bench or chair and put one leg up on it. Scoot your standing leg forward until you find the best place for your foot to be to perform this exercise with good form. Mark where your foot should be by leaving the dumbbells (or something else) there so that when you do the exercise, you can immediately place your foot there. It takes the guess-work out.

5. Burpees
Squat down and place your hands on the floor. Jump your feet back into plank position. Do a push-up (skip this part if push-ups are too hard for you.) Jump your feet back up to your hands then explode up into a jump. Repeat 15 times. Beginners repeat 5-10 times.

6. One-Leg Bent Over Row
Grab a dumbbell and place your other hand on the chair/bench and lean forward. Lift up the leg that’s on the same side as the hand holding the dumbbell. Make sure you keep your back straight. Pull the dumbbell up to your armpit. Repeat 15 times each side. Beginners can repeat 5-10 times.

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Sometimes in life, you gotta make choices. Pepperoni or Hawaiian. Paper or plastic. Automatic or manual. Life…or something else.

But it’s not always easy to know what you really want. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who has a penchant for partying. She was saying that she really wants six pack abs, and I told her that she had to choose between the six pack of beer or the six pack of abs. Because most of us can’t have them at the same time. Honestly, I can’t help but wonder if it’s really worth it, but more on that in a minute.

First off, just in case you haven’t heard yet, you aren’t going to crunch your way to washboard abs. And sit-ups aren’t going to get you there either. I mean, ab work is good for you; it strengthens your core, which is important. But if you want the muscles in your stomach to SHOW, you have to get rid of the fat on top. And that is all about your diet. I don’t like to use cliches often, but this one is fitting: Abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym. Granted, the gym helps, but the real results are going to come from what you eat.

Now, there are exceptions to that. People who have a naturally flat stomach can get away with a lot more. Take (my imaginary girlfriend) Zuzana Light. Nice abs, right? You’d probably think that her stomach looks the way it does because she does a ton of ab work. Ehhh, kind of, but not really. You see, Zuzana was an erotic model before she got into fitness. (I’m not outing her, she’s publicly spoken about it.) So through, um, various resources I was able to look her up in a shoot she did back in 2001. Her physique was different then, much softer. But you know what? Her stomach was still very flat. It was just a step away from what it is now. Some people are just naturally very lean in their midsection, and if they wish to get more definition, it’s going to be a lot easier for them. Genetics, man.

Hey bebe...

For the rest of us, it’s more of a struggle. Take me for example. Most people would consider me thin or thinish. However I have what I like to call a “bagel” as a belly. I’m not being self-deprecating here, just saying that I tend to carry a little bit of fat in my tummy even while being small. That’s just the way my body is. For me to get a six pack, I would have to get extremely lean. I don’t mind giving up beer ‘cause I don’t even drink it. However to get some ABZZZ I’d have to be really strict with my diet. Like, REALLY strict. That’s the part that I mind. Shit, that’s the part that EVERYONE minds.

Got some cream cheese to go with that bagel?

So is it worth it? Are you willing to really clamp down on your diet and temporarily sacrifice your indulgences? Are you willing to possibly give up your social life for a little while? These are all things you have to decide for yourself. Also, consider the side effects. My friend who wants a six pack mentioned that she didn’t want to lose her boobs, which inevitably happens the leaner you get. Depending on your body fat patterns, you might not like the way the rest of your body looks if you get lean enough to have definition in your abs (gaunt face, chest, etc.) Once again, make a choice. Enjoy your nice, squishy rack and accept that you’re going to have a little paunch along with it, or go for a leaner midsection with smaller boobs.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having very high goals for your physique. All I’m saying is know what you’re getting into. If you don’t think you can sacrifice alcohol and maintain a very strict diet for a few months, then make your peace with that and move on. I know self acceptance can be a tricky thing, but there’s no point in longing for something that’s unreasonable for you, personally, to obtain.

I struggled for a long time trying to get that banging body. But I know that I don’t have the kind of discipline it takes to get to that level right now. Which is fine. I’m healthy and strong and at a good weight. And honestly, my indulgences here and there keep me sane. I’m not too proud to admit that I’m a sucker for sugary, girly cocktails. And what!?

If you’re happy with your physique and don’t really want to make any changes to it, congratulations! You’ve won a huge battle. One that some people spend their whole lives trying to win…the internal war of self-esteem. That being said, even if you’re content with yourself that doesn’t mean you have to be complacent about your health goals. Working out and eating well isn’t only about being hot. It’s about being strong and fit and athletic (if that’s what you want.) It’s about preventing injury and staving off illness. It’s about confidence and better posture. Your goal doesn’t have to be about being smaller or bigger. It can be about being stronger and faster. Whatever helps keep you motivated to workout.

Right now I’m focusing more on improving my strength and cleaning up my eating more than anything. I find it a lot less stressful to aim for a harder workout or a more nutritious meal than a lower number on the scale. At the end of the day, that’s what’s important. Eating well and moving your ass.

What do YOU choose?

I’m convinced that coupon sites are almost evil. Almost.

Sure, you can find some great deals. An hour-long Swedish massage for $39. 12 self defense classes for $29. Five pole-dancing classes and complimentary taint waxing for $40.95. Your own personal leather-clad gimp for $14.99. Word!

But at the end of the day, the amount of money you spend on stuff you normally wouldn’t spend money on gets a little ridiculous. To the point where it’s like you’re not even getting the benefit of the discount anymore because these sites are sucking up all your money with their deals. Then again, maybe it’s just me.

These coupon sites were like the strip club of the Internets for me. I was the naive patron. They were the sneaky seductresses, sitting in my lap and promising me all kinds of things and taking my money. Groupon, LivingSocial, CoupTessa…sheesh. Fortunately their novelty has worn off, and I’m back to my miserly ways.

BUT. But! I can’t totally diss them. This is where that almost part from earlier comes in. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting some awesome businesses thanks to coupon sites, like the Miami Fit Body Boot Camp (MFBBC).

I had some coupon or another that gave me a month of unlimited classes at this boot camp gym. First of all, I love boot camp style workouts. I love them because I hate cardio. Okay, hate is a strong word. I extremely dislike doing traditional cardio (running, biking, swimming) with all its monotonous, repetitive blahness. I’d say I have the attention span of a hamster, but those little guys never get tired of running on the wheel. I do. So when it’s time for me to get my cardio on, I like variety.

Story of my life.

If you’re not familiar with boot camp workouts, they incorporate a lot of body weight stuff (push ups, jumping, and other weird but fun movements) usually done in timed intervals. And that’s how it goes at MFBBC. The workouts were challenging and we ALWAYS did different things. There were people of all different fitness levels, too. So no need to feel intimidated.

I also really liked the vibe there. Owner Armando Cruz is very supportive and seems like an all-around nice guy. Oh, and I should also mention that this boot camp is INDOORS. Which is a HUGE plus in my book. Summer is rolling around, and I know working out is about getting sweaty. But dude. This is Miami. I’ll take the heat and mosquito relief when I can get it, working out or not.

The only drawback was that the regular price of MFBBC was a bit out of my range. I was genuinely sad when my month was up, and I considered staying. But at this point in time I need to pinch my pennies for several reasons. However, I would love to go back to this gym. It is a bit more expensive than a regular gym membership, but the way I see it, you are guaranteed a good work out. And for people like me who hate cardio, sometimes you need to pay for motivation.

If you’d like to find out more info about MFBBC, call 305-741-0560. They located in Kendall right by Dadeland mall at 6832 SW 81 St, Miami, FL. Or visit www.miamifitbody.com.

(PS. I am not at all affiliated with this business. They are not paying me to write this, and I am not a member there. This is an honest review of my experience with them.)

Today was frickin’ busy.

During my lunch break I did this workout. (Well, I only had time to do one round of it. But still, about 22 minutes of masochism.)

Then after work I went to my MMA/self-defense class where I grappled with another girl for almost an hour straight. In case you didn’t know, wrestling is EXTREMELY tiring.

After all of this, I was in a crabby mood. But not bad crabby. I mean I literally wanted crab. And so crab cakes I had. Healthy ones too!

I know there’s been some hoopla about fish being mislabeled and stuff. For the sake of my sanity I’m just going to assume that what I had today was really crab.

So anyway, I adapted these crab cakes from a recipe in Clean Eating magazine.

These take a while to make because they need to chill, so just keep that in mind.

Healthy Crab Cakes

Ingredients:
1 lb crab meat (I used lump crab from Publix)
1 tbsp honey Dijon (you can also substitute with mayo of your preference)
4 tbsp whole-wheat Panko bread crumbs
1 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
1 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro
2 tbsp sliced scallions
Zest 1 lemon
1 jalapeno pepper, finely diced
1 tbsp finely chopped or grated ginger
1 tsp smoked paprika
Sea salt to taste
1 large egg
1 large egg white
½ cup white whole-wheat flour
Fresh ground black pepper, to taste
2-4 tbsp oil of preference, divided

Instructions:
1. Mix crab meat, Dijon, Panko, parsley, cilantro, scallions, lemon zest, jalapeno, ginger, paprika, salt, egg, and egg white in a large bowl. Make sure all ingredients are well blended. This recipe works best if the crab is shredded as much as possible.

2. To make the patties, take a small lump of the crab mix in your hands and flatten it into a disk that is slightly smaller than your palm. I got 12 patties out of this. Cover patties and chill for at least 30 minutes or up to 24 hours. The longer you let them chill, the more firm they get.

3. Put the flour and pepper into whatever won’t make a huge mess. Gingerly coat each patty (they’re delicate and can fall apart easily if you’re not careful) and place them on a plate.

4. Add oil to a medium saucepan and heat. Place half of the patties in the pan and cook on each side for 4 to 5 minutes. If your patties still look powdery while cooking then you need to add more oil. Once the patties have turned a golden color, remove them from the pan and serve!

Nutritional info (1 crab cake out of a batch of 12):
Calories: 90
Fat: 3g
Carbs: 6g
Protein: 9g

These crab cakes were so good. What made them even better was adding mango salsa. Seriously, it topped the recipe off wonderfully.

These were so good I felt like my mouth was going to implode into my face and come out the back of my head.

This was the final product. I had them with raw kale massaged with oil, salt and a little rice vinegar. I can’t wait for tomorrow so I can eat the leftovers!